Beginner's Guide to Kinks, Fetishes and BDSM

When it comes to sexual expression, everyone has their own unique desires and interests. Some people might find themselves drawn to certain types of activities or objects, while others might have specific fantasies or role-playing scenarios that turn them on. In the world of sexuality, there are three terms that often come up in discussions about these types of interests: kinks, fetishes, and BDSM. While these terms are often used interchangeably, they actually have distinct meanings and implications.

Let's dive right into kinks. A KINK. refers to any type of unconventional sexual desire or interest. This can include anything from foot worship to spanking to role-playing to voyeurism. One of my favorite kinks is impact play, which involves spanking, paddling, or flogging. I love the sensation of being spanked or flogged, and I find it incredibly arousing to submit to my partner's control. Kinks are often seen as non-normative or taboo, but they are actually quite common. Many people have at least one kink, even if they don't necessarily talk about it or act on it. Kinks can be a source of pleasure, excitement, and intimacy for those who enjoy them, but they can also be a source of shame, guilt, or anxiety for those who feel like their desires are unacceptable or abnormal. To incorporate impact play into the bedroom, I might suggest to my partner that we try spanking or flogging during foreplay. I always make sure to negotiate the details beforehand, such as how hard to hit and what areas of my body to target. Communication is key when it comes to kinks, and I always make sure to check in with my partner throughout the experience to ensure that we are both enjoying ourselves. It's important to remember that as long as a kink is consensual, safe, and legal, there is nothing inherently wrong with it.

Next up, we have fetishes. A fetish refers to a specific object, material, or body part that someone finds sexually arousing. This can include anything from leather to feet to latex to hair. Fetishes are often seen as more intense or niche than kinks, since they tend to focus on a very specific thing rather than a broad type of activity. Like kinks, fetishes are also quite common. However, since fetishes can be more specific and less socially accepted, people who have fetishes might feel more shame or isolation than people with kinks. It's important to note that having a fetish is not a pathology or a problem. It's simply a different way of experiencing sexual desire.

Last, but not least, we come to BDSM. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. BDSM is a type of sexual activity that involves power dynamics, physical restraint, and consensual pain or humiliation. BDSM is often associated with leather, whips, and chains, but it can encompass a wide range of activities and styles. BDSM is a unique category because it involves both kinks and fetishes, but it also involves a specific type of power exchange that is not present in other types of sexual expression. To incorporate power exchange into the bedroom, my partner and I might negotiate a scene where they take on a dominant role and I take on a submissive role. This might involve things like bondage, blindfolds, and consensual pain or humiliation. BDSM can be a deeply rewarding and fulfilling type of sexual activity for those who enjoy it, but it requires a high degree of communication, trust, and understanding between partners. It's important to note that BDSM should always be consensual, safe, and negotiated.

Kinks, fetishes, and BDSM are all types of sexual expression that involve non-normative desires or interests. While they might seem taboo or shameful to some people, they are actually quite common and can be a source of pleasure and intimacy for those who enjoy them. It's important to remember that as long as sexual activities are consensual, safe, and legal, there is nothing inherently wrong with them. If you're interested in exploring your own desires or learning more about kinks, fetishes, or BDSM, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partners, do your research, and prioritize your own safety and well-being.

KINK.Y Sources:

• "Kink and BDSM: What's the difference?" by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Sex and Psychology, August 2021. Available at: https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2021/8/9/kink-and-bdsm-whats-the-difference

• "What is a fetish?" by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Sex and Psychology, February 2019. Available at: https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2019/2/18/what-is-a-fetish

• "BDSM: A guide for beginners" by Dr. Justin Lehmiller, Sex and Psychology, January 2021. Available at: https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2021/1/11/bdsm-a-guide-for-beginners

• "Kinks and fetishes: The psychology behind them" by Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D., Psychology Today, May 2019. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201905/kinks-and-fetishes-the-psychology-behind-them

• "Understanding kinks and fetishes" by Dr. Michael Aaron, Psychology Today, August 2017. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201708/understanding-kinks-and-fetishes

• "The psychology of BDSM" by Dr. Lori Brotto and Dr. Morag Yule, Psychology Today, October 2017. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-sex/201710/the-psychology-bdsm

• "BDSM and mental health: Is there a link?" by Dr. Meg-John Barker, Rewriting the Rules, March 2017. Available at: https://rewritingtherules.com/2017/03/bdsm-mental-health-link/